B-b-but, I hear you say, I’ve tried that and they just cried! I followed all the advice and tried making sure they were nearly almost completely asleep and as soon as I put them in their beds, they cried! One of my clients once told me that if anyone else recommended that she put her baby to bed ‘drowsy but awake’ she was going to do something that would result in a prison sentence…!
So why hasn’t it worked so far?
It hasn’t worked for you so far because many parents assume the emphasis of the term is on the word drowsy ie, nearly asleep, but it is actually on the word awake! A more ideal state to work towards would be ‘tired but awake’ so you know they are ready to sleep (that ole sleep pressure term again!) but they are going into their beds awake.
What’s wrong with drowsy?
Imagine after a long day (not much of stretch I’d imagine!) your hubby/wife said they would rub your feet until you fell asleep. You feel the stress of the day melt away and just as you are drifting off into slumberland, they gently…and really slowly lower you onto the floor! Of course you feel yourself being lowered, snap awake and angrily ask what the hell they were thinking as you were nearly asleep?! You certainly were drowsy but awake but your expectation was that that was how you were going to fall asleep! He realises that he is either going to have to commit to rubbing your feet until you are asleep and any time you wake in the night or he is going to have to ensure that your expectations are managed!
In a nutshell, no amount of pick up, put down, rocking, stroking, bouncing on gym balls and gentle shushing is going to help your baby settle to sleep if you wait until they are nearly in a sleep state and then abruptly change what you are doing. And for those of you who have repeatedly tried and not had success, we know that it often results in both you and the baby being in tears and even worse, you feeling like you’re failing.
How do I know when they’re tired enough?
Our circadian rhythm works on the basis that if we have been awake for a certain length of time, we need to sleep to restore. A tired baby will often appear fractious, may have a glazed expression, turn their heads away from the stimulation. As you get to know them, you will see what your baby’s sleep cues are so try not to look on the internet for answers as it really will just overwhelm you. And yes, the irony of writing that in a blog isn’t lost on me!
Then what do I do?
You show your baby sleep cues, so they understand what happens next! You go to their rooms, read a story or sing a little song, put them in their sleeping bags and then put them to bed! You are confident they are tired enough to need to sleep and understand that they may resist this process but like learning any new skill, they need to practise it. How you support them whilst they are learning this has to be in a way that feels manageable to you which is why one size doesn’t fit all.
So what can the Infant Sleep Consultants do to help?
Well, for starters, we aren’t emotionally invested which makes it significantly easier to look at each situation objectively. Secondly, we’ve been doing this for thirty years and have learnt a thing or two along the way! The first step we take with you is making sure that all of their needs have been met. We then make sure we are supporting the parents whilst you’re making the changes so you can support them. And finally, we ensure that at the end of the process the whole family is better rested and going to sleep a little drowsy but mostly awake! Just get in touch and we can tell you more about how we could help you and your little one.
Recent Comments